This past few months has indeed been challenging, from overwhelming to depression, from a stronghold to letting go, from a complete reliance in faith to getting rid of toxic faith, from grasping and accepting the reality to questioning every little bit of what’s happening.
I lose control of my emotions. I keep on holding back my tears for it is struggling to flow every moment that it gets. I lose the keenness to appreciate the goodness in my surroundings and only see how unfair world can be. I became hopeless for I cannot find ways to release me from this pain, from this self-pity. And worst, I am swallowed with pride that I chose to face this realm by myself. Even writing has not been an option.
I chose to hold on to God and put everything in His hands. But, unfortunately for me, time came when my impatience get a hold of me. I cried my heart out to Him questioning all my misfortunes. I grew tired of waiting and believing and started to question my faith. For almost two weeks, I refrain communicating to my only support system. I am all alone.
His kindness was indeed so remarkable, for even when I am no longer asking He still provided all my needs. He woke me up from this toxic faith, from this wrong faith that I am holding on to. He made me realized, through the help of Bo Sanchez, that all this time I am looking at faith the wrong way. I relied my life too much to faith that I myself let go of it. I did not establish any plan but instead just wait and accept what life has to offer.
He opened my eyes to the reality that life is guided by Him but is created by ourselves. He taught me that He only mandated two options: the bad and the good. Choosing one entails another multiple choices, choices which He left for us to handle. His plans in our lives are not specific. He wants us to live life in accordance to what we want in whatever way we want as long as we do it with the right purpose, which is to give glory to His name.
He taught me to be deliberate in my life. Know what you want and pray for it. Create a plan. Define your life!
With this renewed faith, He instantly provided me with overwhelming blessings (career wise). His marvellous hands now left me with two awesome options, to work with a well established foundation where I believe would help me grow not only with my career but also with other aspects of life that I want to develop including but not limited to: colleague relationship, photography, physical development, spiritual growth, the executive feel I have always wanted and various charitable experiences. With this option, I already know where I will live and my daily routine. But in contrary would provide me the same working environment that I’ve experienced for more than four years now, same daily routine, almost same people. My life will be defined, too defined!.
On the other hand, the other option offers me a totally new environment. A firsthand experience on how the government works. A more challenging work load that is not limited only in my career expertise, a broader exposure to different aspects of business. An opportunity to specialize in the industry that I love to master, a chance to bring change within our country, a career path that is not at all defined. And this is probably where my fears are coming from, fear of not knowing what I will be facing. And since government positions are coterminous, meaning if Philippine President Noynoy Aquino has 3 years left in his term, this job opportunity is only for three years. This option is not for long term. After three years, I’ll be going through the same dilemma again.
I know for sure that both are God’s will, so I just have to choose what I want more. And the problem now is I want both equally. I want the first one for it will provide me a well balanced life and I want the second one for it will provide me a good career opportunity.
For months I have been frustrated for lack of options, and now I’m still frustrated with two awesome options. I have nothing else to do but pray for wisdom to make the right decision.
As You have revealed to me last Tuesday: “ I can do all things through Christ – Philippians 4:13”. I know for sure that whatever option I choose will be perfect for me. My only prayer now is that may Your will be done in my life. And please Lord enlighten me through your people that is around me.
So now the question still remains. A or B?? help! anyone?
“Work for a cause, NOT for applause. Live life to express, NOT to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.” – unknown
For a life changing experience, try this site: http://bosanchez.ph/